It’s been hard for me to forgive myself. It’s literally taken me years to love again. It’s not that I’m in love right now, but I know what I have right now could be good for me. And love, I’ll find myself there again. My life will come full circle.
I don’t know why it took me years to realize how sad and broken I am inside. But I really tried hard to get better. But sometimes, not all wounds heal that fast. This is an especially deep wound. And I know I had to be patient.
I don’t want to lose him. I feel in my heart that he is good for me. It’s fear that is holding me back. I have to let go of the past if ever I am to have a chance of being happy with someone again. I know I have to let go of the hurt and the fear.
I truly believe that I finally deserve to be happy with someone again. But first, I must learn to forgive myself. People make mistakes. People get hurt all the time. There’s no need to beat myself up for a mistake. I can’t undo the past. I can’t go back. I can only move forward. In time I will learn to accept that I had loved and I was hurt. And in time, I will learn to accept that I deserve to be happy again.
I deserve to be happy. That’s something I haven’t heard myself admit. Everyone deserves to be happy. Everyone.