Dear best friend

I often wonder if you ever think about me. I think about you almost everyday. That week we shared in the spring break, summer and Sweden was special. It was like we found each other in hell and helped each other through. I can still remembered how scared you were, how frightened.
I wanted you to stay with me. You were so beautiful and lost. We spent those days watching game shows and sitting through group therapy and staring at each other. We held hands for just a moment before we left.
Wherever you are, whatever you’ve done, know that I never stopped loving you.

I always promised to keep you safe, but it was me who taught you about self-harm. I’ve worked so hard to overcome my problems, but I feel so guilty about yours that I can’t overcome mine completely. I feel responsible for how you express your emotions and your attempted suicides, I can’t stand to think that one day I won’t be there to save you from yourself, and it’s all my fault. You promised me you would stop, but I know it’s not the case. You’ve started talking like you did before, and it’s killing me inside to know that I can’t help you anymore. All I want is to come visit you without having to ask you to show me your arms. I really love and care about you, and it pains me to say it, but I can’t keep worrying about you or I’ll most likely go back to it too. I’m sorry.
I will never let you down. No matter what I’ll always be here for you. I love you so much, and I do not care how sick you are I will always love you the same. If you kill someone, I will still love you. You mean the world to be honey.
A kiss on your forehead for old times,


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