I can’t do this anymore…

Somebody told me that everyone’s lonely, but I was the only fool
there waiting down by the ocean, with my heart halfway broken.

I wish we could’ve worked it out, I wish I didn’t have these doubts, I wish I didn’t have to wonder just what you are doing now. I wish I didn’t know inside that it won’t work out for you and I, I wish that I could stop this wishing and just say my last goodbye.

I was frozen in a fragile world of make believe and empty lies. Dressed in the rules of a virtuous game, captured by the thought of fear and loneliness. Afraid to cry, suffocated, for trying to scream.

It didn’t matter, you can’t go back to how things were. How you thought they were. All you really have, is now.

It’s never something huge that changes everything, but instead the tiniest of details irrevocably tweaking the balance of the universe, while you’re busy focusing on the big picture.
– Lock and Key, Sarah Dessen

I wasn’t asking for a four page apology letter, I just wanted you to realize what you put me through. That’s all I wanted. It’s not that hard, right?

If you’re here to apologize, I don’t want to hear it. You’ve had your chance, too many in fact, and I mean this when I say it, I’m finally ready to let you go. Because you’ve let me down too many times before. And I was a fool to keep taking you back, to keep loving you with all I’ve got while you only ever give something like 12 percent of your love to me. It hasn’t been fair to me, I’ve been giving my all and you’ve been pushing me away, pulling me back, pushing me away, and then reeling me back in when it’s convenient for you. I can’t keep going on like this; I can’t keep wasting my love on someone who is less than deserving. I can’t keep destroying myself; I can’t have you in my life anymore. So goodbye.

I thought I knew you, but I guess it’s easier to see what we want than to look for the truth. You think you know me, but you don’t.

Nothing kills me more than having to look into his eyes and lie about how I feel about him. But I keep telling myself it’s better this way.

She’s standing on a line between giving up and seeing how much more she can take.

There are things that we don’t want to happen, but have to accept. Things that we don’t want to know, but have to learn. And people we can’t live without, but have to let go.

Turn on the shower, lock the door, fall upon the tile and cry once more. Grab a towel, damp the sounds. Don’t let a soul hear that you’re breaking down.

I don’t remember what made us stop talking. I don’t even remember the last time we did.


One thought on “I can’t do this anymore…

  1. Pingback: I’m Not Trying Anymore | Ziddi Tamana

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