I sometimes think that I am capable of thinking too much. Sometimes, my mind races with thoughts that can be unconceivable to a regular mind but to me a possible reality. People dream and cast their dreams aside as randomness. Deep thoughts that seem to burrow themselves inside ones mind with no hidden meaning. I dream, and I feel my deepest fears screaming out to me in my subconscious. Call me superstitious, call me crazy, but yes, I do believe that most dreams carry with them feelings that we sometimes can not bring to mind when we are fully awake and alert.
After having a most restless night with nightmare after nightmare, I have to ask myself why I am letting my fears take a hold of me in my most vulnerable state? Last week I had a most unsettling week. It seemed that nothing could go right. Any time I opened my mouth, I said the wrong thing. The entire week was just one big mess. My good friend kept trying to tell me that I had to learn to just let some things go. I have to learn to pick and choose my battles and realize that even the ones that I may choose to engage in will not always be victories. I have to learn to slow down. Sometimes I want it all, and I want it all now…that will never get me anywhere. Even when I feel like I know myself well enough, I am finding out there is so much more to me than meets the eye.
I am trying very hard to take things in life one step at a time, and I am trying even harder to learn what things to hold on to, and what things to let go of. I know it won’t be easy, but I think the inner me is strong enough to fight off the nightmares, fend off the fears and start realizing that I can be truly happy. Nothing will ever be completely perfect and anything worth it’s salt will take a lot of work, but I finally feel that with the help of some really good friends and their amazing advice, I can pick myself up from the wreckage that I feel I have become lately.
It may not happen right away, and it may not be an easy transition, but I am slowly learning to take it all in stride and let it all go.