Fake smiles

Is everyone in my life so blind? Why is it that no one can see how miserable I constantly feel? Everyone trusts in that smile that has no meaning. No one ever looks into my eyes and sees the truth. I am waiting for something that doesn’t exist – a miracle of some sort to save me and wipe away my pain. Will someone, one day, ever truly see me? Is there anyone that could honestly know me, know my flaws, and still be capable of loving me? I am overly insecure. When I say insecure I don’t mean about physical appearance or anything of that sort, just insecure. I don’t know. Things happen and I have no understanding as to why. A lot of times that lack of understanding makes it feel like it’s my fault, like I’m the one with the problem. Trusting people is a task I often find impossible. I can’t allow people to make me happy because when that’s taken away, when they’re gone, the pain is unbearable. People always leave. I have learned to count on that if nothing else. I wish I were stronger.

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