I’m sorry

I am truly sorry for everything. For the way I push the people that means the most for me away, that I have stopped taking contact with friends and family. I am sorry for not being as cheerful I once was. I am sorry for failing suicide, I really wish I did not fail. I have tried it several of times but I guess God wants me a second chance all the time. I hope and believe that this time it is different. I won’t fail, I will succeed with this try. I am sorry for lying to you. I cannot do this anymore. I’m so sick of this life. I just wanna run away to a place where no one can find you, and just be myself for a change.
I have always been the person everybody comes to with their problems, but no one has been there truly for me. I can’t remember a person asked me face to face “Are you OK?” I wish someone would soon do that, because I cannot always fake the smile, and force the laughter. When will my friends, family and school mates see that I am always acting. If this try succeed I just want you to know that I was truly happy from April to the begging of August. It was the time of my life, where I did not feel unloved, and not welcome. I had the best boyfriend ever, and the best friends. Everything went so well for me, I started to eat normal, and I did not cut at all. All because of HIM… He was my everything, and he still is. Even though we are not dating anymore, he is the reason why I am still here. I just need to see him.
I am not sure if I will post anything after this. It depends. Time will show us. But I hope this is my last one. I’m really tired, not go to sleep tired, but tired of doing the same thing all the time.. I cry myself to sleep every fucking night.

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